I find myself again in a transition moment in my life. Yet again, the universe has course corrected me when I didn't even have the awareness to know I needed to do it myself. Ugh.
Lost Love
In 2023 I sold all my things in Canada and moved to California to start a new life. The life I created in the sunshine, beaches, and redwoods was beautiful. I had found a partner that enjoyed the intimate and sacred parts of life like I did. We meditated and went to yoga together, we explored life, we loved, we met new friends, we worked, and laughed, and made a home together. I thought I had hit the jackpot and was grateful everyday for the man I was able to love and be loved by. And like every romantic relationship, our wounds came up and became magnified by the intensity of the love we shared. Then, very sadly, the romance ended and we decided to take a sacred pause in our relationship to work on ourselves. As I write this it's been more than two months and I am still devastated. I wake up every day crying and scared about the unknown in front of me. Now I have to make new plans for my future and say goodbye to the one I had planned with him.
Healing in Costa Rica
In the middle of December in 2024 I again ran away to Costa Rica, my safe place, to pause and create my next steps. I went to the eco-friendly community of Pachamama where I was able to focus on myself, while being surrounded by jungle noises, fresh food, ocean waters, and like minded people. I started my month away with a 10 day silent retreat. The time alone in my mind created space for my feelings to bubble up, and boy did they ever! I allowed myself to feel the full force of the heartbreak I was experiencing. I sat with my feelings, even though it was extremely uncomfortable to sit in suffering and emotional pain. I've been divorced before, but it didn't feel like THIS. It felt like this love, this time, was special. It felt like I had lost the greatest thing I had ever had. Then the guilt and the shame arose too - how could I let the person I loved most go? What could I have done to make things different? What made it worse was him blocking me on communication channels in an effort to forge himself space. I get it, breakups are hard and the cardinal rule is to go no-contact and take time away from each other. But it still hurt, a lot. The days went on in my silent retreat like this - wake up crying, do an hour long dynamic meditation, go for breakfast, listen to a satsang by the community leader, do another hour long meditation of some sort, eat lunch, go to my room and be with myself, listen to another satsang, do another hour long meditation, eat dinner, and maybe participate in the evening dance if I had enough energy, and cry myself to sleep. It was intense. Things bubbled up to the surface within me that I hadn't seen before. I looked at them, processed them, and carried on. At the end of the retreat we were given our voices back in a sweat lodge and crawled out from the lodge like a baby being reborn from the womb. People reconnected with each other and finally smiled at each other and made eye contact. I didn't know anyone so I just watched the hugging and kissing of couples being with each other for the first time in 10 days - it was sweet to see, but I couldn't help miss my person and wondered what it would be like to have shared this experience with him.
The next week I did a body cleanse full of fasting, juices, enemas, and a liver flush. My hope was to clean out my physical vessel of any unneeded old energy. The whole thing seemed easy to me and I was never hungry once, and I felt really energized and clean. I spent a lot of time with 30 other people getting to know them, why they were there, what they did in life, and I made some very close connections that I know will last. When you talk about enemas with others, you get very intimate and close to them! We had to eat very light foods afterwards for 3 more days, and on January 1st of 2025, I was finally able to eat fats again! Morning brunch that day after dancing the night away was GLORIOUS! I was very grateful to sit with a close friend and share our first eggs of the year together.
Then I did Waterfall of Music, a week long medicine journey with 150 other people. If you're interested in knowing about it, let me know, but for the sacredness of the medicine and the sacred work done that week, I won't write about it here. I did fall in love with the work of the facilitator, which influenced me in making my next steps in my life. Are you ready to hear them? I can barely believe this is my life...
What's Next?
In February I will travel to Brazil for a month, where I will stay in a community outside of Rio de Janeiro and will take a music workshop to focus on theory, harmony, voice, and rhythm - all in a circle with like minded people, and with some sacred medicine. Music?! Yes, music. Singing has started to unfold in me, and I've recently started playing the harmonium, and playing in circles and I feel a calling to expand myself in this way. Check out this video below that gives an overview of the place I'll be at (Ciranda) and the beautiful music man Carioca. This is something I NEVER imagined doing, yet feel pulled in this direction. I guess this is what the universe is calling me to do, and I am listening and following.
In March I will travel back to Pachamama in Costa Rica and do their work exchange program so I can contribute to the community in a more meaningful way while living and learning there. I will stay for as long as it works out!
While I'm travelling and exploring the world and myself, I will be taking online virtual clients and continuing to do Healing Sessions. Reach out to me if you'd like to experience the unique sessions I've been creating using a combination of Reiki, Clarity Breathwork, and my intuitive healing practices. I promise this type of therapy will help you release and restore your energy and balance. I'll be updating my online calendar, but feel free to shoot me a text to set something up that works for us both.
Yes, I think I've lost it a little bit and gone wild and crazy, but YOLO. Honestly, I am being called to do something different than the norm. If you know me, you know I am an explorer, I love healthy living, yoga, eating well, and expanding my consciousness, and I can get that all while travelling in South and Central America to sustainable communities . I also need a sense of belonging and community in my life and don't feel I have that anywhere else now that I don't own a home, or have kids to take care of, or have a partner. I feel free to explore the world, and myself, and I need to take this as a gift and an opportunity. I need to explore myself too and take a sacred pause in my normal day to day. I need to be alone and know myself deeper than ever before. Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis (maybe it's been going on for years!), or maybe I'm following the path in front of me. Please reach out if we haven't connected in a while as I need to rebuild my connections around me and I'd love to chat and catchup!
Stay tuned for more updates!
Love,
Devani
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